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还在为PS没有新意烦恼吗？爱英语帮你写出好文章
作者：admin
时间：2013-11-12 13:02:27
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近日爱英语学员Will一直在苦恼于PS的编写，“PS”就是申请国外高校必要的 personal statement 个人陈述。Will同学对自己苦思冥想几个月写出的文章总觉得不尽满意，所以找到在国外的同学，以及各路好友帮忙修改。最终修改好的版本自己读来读去发现虽然语法错误没有了，可还是没有让人眼前一亮的感觉。这时他想到了曾经2011年在爱英语学习时的写作老师Christina。他的问题在Christina老师的热情帮助下迎刃而解！你也在为PS没有闪光点而发愁吗？来爱英语见识奇迹吧！
下文是修改前的开头：
Though I was born in the city, I spent my childhood in a small village in Penglai, Shangdong Province. I did not understand the term “economy” when I lived in the rural area for 4 years. To the average farmers, “economy” often meant no more than their crop yield, the harvest's selling price, and their children's school tuitions.
从新梳理一下思路后的崭新开头：
Having spent the early years of my life in a small village on the eastern tip of Shandong peninsula, a place within driving distance of bustling commercial ports but far enough to retain its sleepiness, farming and harvesting are the first things that I learned to live with and to appreciate. Before the village was entirely engulfed by the giant waves of urbanization, “economy” was simply a term we would hear about once in a while on a television program, something that was not nearly as important as crop yields.
下面我们来分析一下：
1. 原文中第一句话结尾是Penglai，Shandong Province。Christina老师要提醒同学们，在用拼音地名的时候一定要注意加以解释。同学们试想一下一位美国的Admissions officer，在不了解中国，以及中国地理的情况下，会了解这个地名的含义吗？所以我们建议改成a small village on the eastern tip of Shandong peninsula 指出半岛这一特殊地理位置， 在结合within driving distance of bustling commercial ports but far enough to retain its sleepiness 来表达靠近发展区却又不失淳朴的含义，寓意作者对家乡的眷恋。
2. 在PS的写作中，尽量突出自己的特点和优势是关键，所以Christina老师建议Will把did not understand 改成the first things that I learned to live with and to appreciate。
3. 在Christina老师的指导下，Will在修改后文中采用entirely engulfed by the giant waves of urbanization被城市化的巨浪吞噬，这样的比喻写法在杂志报纸的article中很常见，能充分展示作者的文笔功底。
爱英语写作名师 Christina
2013年11月12日
下文是修改前的开头：
Though I was born in the city, I spent my childhood in a small village in Penglai, Shangdong Province. I did not understand the term “economy” when I lived in the rural area for 4 years. To the average farmers, “economy” often meant no more than their crop yield, the harvest's selling price, and their children's school tuitions.
从新梳理一下思路后的崭新开头：
Having spent the early years of my life in a small village on the eastern tip of Shandong peninsula, a place within driving distance of bustling commercial ports but far enough to retain its sleepiness, farming and harvesting are the first things that I learned to live with and to appreciate. Before the village was entirely engulfed by the giant waves of urbanization, “economy” was simply a term we would hear about once in a while on a television program, something that was not nearly as important as crop yields.
下面我们来分析一下：
1. 原文中第一句话结尾是Penglai，Shandong Province。Christina老师要提醒同学们，在用拼音地名的时候一定要注意加以解释。同学们试想一下一位美国的Admissions officer，在不了解中国，以及中国地理的情况下，会了解这个地名的含义吗？所以我们建议改成a small village on the eastern tip of Shandong peninsula 指出半岛这一特殊地理位置， 在结合within driving distance of bustling commercial ports but far enough to retain its sleepiness 来表达靠近发展区却又不失淳朴的含义，寓意作者对家乡的眷恋。
2. 在PS的写作中，尽量突出自己的特点和优势是关键，所以Christina老师建议Will把did not understand 改成the first things that I learned to live with and to appreciate。
3. 在Christina老师的指导下，Will在修改后文中采用entirely engulfed by the giant waves of urbanization被城市化的巨浪吞噬，这样的比喻写法在杂志报纸的article中很常见，能充分展示作者的文笔功底。
爱英语写作名师 Christina
2013年11月12日
鞍山市铁东区胜利南路21号 万科写字楼7层
E-mail:ienglishslc@gmail.com
电话：0412-5555237 0412-7122288
